We are in the midst of a Perfect Sex Storm. Fifty Shades of Grey has become a global phenomenon, tapping a hidden vein of subversive desire; while simultaneously, The New York Times features new research confirming that nobody is having any sex – girlfriends are being rebuffed by their boyfriends and wives are deploying the classic no-sex headache at astronomical rates.
All of this seems confusing and contradictory until we look more closely at another finding in the Times report: Everyone is lying.
Sex coach and sexuality researcher Jaime M. Grant, Ph.D. rips the lid off of a pivotal lie in the current sex sham: that we are all A-OK with our sexualities, and we know how to ask for and get what we want in bed.
Grant’s book, Great Sex: Mapping Your Desire presents an accessible journal-based discovery process that helps its readers find and tell their truth. Grant’s key premise is simple yet shattering – the gap between who we say we are and what we actually want to do in bed is yawning and kills our desire. The handy exercises in this deeply probing yet playful book of “sexploration” leave its readers with all of the tools essential to plotting a path to a more honest, compelling sexuality.
In her introduction, Grant notes:
As a sex coach, I have spent decades listening to clients talk about their desire a certain socially acceptable way, only to discover through the coaching process that their true desires are something else altogether. For example, some of the women in my practice have confessed — despite a life-long commitment to equality in their daily lives — an overwhelming desire to dominate in the bedroom. Football heroes have admitted a desire to submit or be penetrated. Gay people have revealed their love of straight sex. Voyeurs have outed their inner exhibitionists. Pacifists have whispered a yearning to hurt or constrain.
Over time, I developed a process called Desire Mapping to help my clients abandon their false sexual veneers for sexual truths that would enliven their libidos and lead them to the sex and partners they long for.
Great Sex: Mapping Your Desire will take its place on the shelf alongside the great self-help books Co-Dependent No More and The Courage to Heal, helping readers dive into intimate territories, uncover hidden truths, and identify counterproductive patterns of behavior. But its tone and storytelling format is much more akin to Greg Behrendt’s wildly popular He’s Just Not That Into You, delivering its watershed insights and toughest advice with a wink and a nudge. Finally, Great Sex’s journaling format and ‘zine graphics make it an instant winner for readers under 30, for whom notions of Great Sex loom large.
A book with no peer in either the self-help aisle or the gender and sexuality section, it leaves the reader wondering how it could be that no such book has been published to date. Current pop culture fascinations with BDSM relationships, fluid expressions of gender and sexuality, and the realm of hook-up apps has driven millions of people across all categories of gender, age, sexuality, religion and culture into an ever-expanding universe of sex and dating. Great Sex equips readers with a handy rudder for navigating a sea of diverse and heretofore underground sexualities, relationship forms, and sexual pursuits.
Great Sex: Mapping Your Desire is destined to become the roadmap for the sexting generation.